It’s a start.

Apologies for the un-warranted noise.

I’m a genius, really, I’m excellent
Better than them, I kick their asses
All of them, even that guy
Who thinks he’s fuckin’ cool…

Some guy on the net thinks I suck and he should know
He’s got his own blog

I’m a loser
I’m a poser
Yeah really
It’s over
I mean it and I quit
Everything I write is shit.”

- Working Day: Ben Folds & Nick Hornby

Now, writing for a music street press is a different kettle of carpe diem. I got a gig now, just onto their books. Still no sign of the albums for this week on offer, though I am sure they’re not far off. Ultimately a gig is a gig, and finally writing anything is better than nothing.

I’ve been reading over old posts here, just to see where tha passion, talent and drunken scrawl emerged from. Really, I just love to hear my own voice, or in this case my voice on the page.

I’m hoping to post the odd copy of the reviews I do here too, for those not readily able to collect a free copy on the streets of Melbourne.

Friends have their fingers crossed and I have a new bottle of J&B scotch whiskey ready to crack. Just hankering for that review list now…

AJ

Everything Is Alright (Motion City Soundtrack)

I do miss it and I’d like to write more. I am doing the odd album review practice and would love to have it on the side to do more often for sure. But for now I feel as though I’m missing a distinct voice. I guess the voice from this blog. I also guess the difference is that here I really don’t care for composure or courtesy. I kind of feel bad writing shit and someone having to opt to print it.

The Casa is shifting a little but I am considering reviving a little podcast here and there like before, whether that be posted solely on www.casadestoyan.com or here as well (if I can upload mp3s?)

Less funny of course, as it may only be the solo gaffes and ranting, but still an outlet is always fun. I do promise to write more, it just takes a little longer.

In the words of Jack Slater, “You’ve seen these movies where they say “Make my day” or “I’m your worst nightmare”? Well, listen to this one: Rubber baby buggie bumpers! “

– AJ

Granted, I have not had the inexhaustible internet access as I once did. Until now.

So, in the favour of all my previous posts before it, I shall conduct this in the same manner: Dot points. It’s easier to follow and easier to write (and I have been getting a tad on the rusty side, amongst other things).
I guess right off,  I do seem to have procured both a low tolerance for the drink and a high tolerance for needing sleep and being able to get to work (of which I will explain shortly).

What you say, “Alcolicious Jackson not staying up until dawn scribbling nonsense for all to read?! What madness is this?” Roll the screen and all shall be revealed…

* New Car: So I got a new car. Remember back to when I had an awesome Datsun, which did have the penchant for wanting to be temperamental and try to kill me. Tony was the name I gave this machine. Tony Stanza. BAM! The boss.
Around April it got to the point that killing me for fun became trying to kill me for passion. There was no real saving of Tony without a lot of resources. More than buying a newer, “safer” car could cost. And so I now own a 2002 Volkswagen Golf. In silver.
No real soul and no real character. I will admit this was the case until it was rear ended and I grew a tad attached (especially after the hire card  I was given for a week). Now I give it a little love and a little poke when driving about. I even give it a bit of sweet and harsh talking to when I need to in traffic.
Still, this car has no name and still yet no real personality. And hence my real bane for modern cars – no soul. No real passion. I guess motorisation being simple and practical seems alien and faulty to me. Where is the drama, the pantomime?
So I have the new car, which luckily took a little less longer to find than the ever-perfectly flawed Tony. This one has its flaws (which I will hopefully get to in a future post) but it goes, and is ultimately a more sane option to get from A to B than I was previously relying on.
Tony’s fate? Well he is safely saved from a crusher. I did decide that I do care so much for this car of mine that he needs to be kept in some way. Some motoring way. And so he is being stored at the parents, with plans to resurrect him in a 2nd weekend fun cruiser sense. Reconditioned engine/transmission etc (so all original), but with a mini-muscle car outer flair. All I need now are the funds…

* New Job: After nearly 8 years I have finally left the porn gig behind. And I can barely believe I walked away with as little grey area as I did.
In May I applied for a few jobs and made it to a few interviews. Some were good jobs but ‘m glad none panned out. Then I finally got an interview with a well-known audio/visual retailer that I’ve always been wanting to work for. Did the interview, got the job.
Short to say I gave a week’s notice at the porn shop. Which really was short. I did end up giving up a couple of Saturday weekend hours to cover there in the next month. But it was an amicable break and I still wish them well and will endeavour to drop past when I can.
So I got the new job – a real full-time, Monday to Friday one – which, I must admit, was a little not what I was expecting. When I applied, or even when I had the interview.
I do customer service for an online branch of the company (an entity unto itself mind you), but for all the musical aspirations they seemed to project (based on my musical knowledge/love/lust), there has been scant of it at all since. My passion and desire doesn’t feel like it is needed for this position – not that it might not be appreciated. But that doesn’t mean you couldn’t do this job with a limited musical knowledge limited to an all late-90′s pop artist appetite only.
So them were the breaks. Now though I have been moved up (or on, whatever) to placing orders for consumer electronics ordered on our site to local dispatch stores. Talk about removed from music (and my passion for). I got there because I had attention to detail; nee anal retentive/obsessive compulsive.
I’m still content where I am. I can move around in the future, as prefered, especially given it is a large spreading company. Not a simple porn retailer. But that doesn’t mean my lust for a real music avenue isn’t trying to break through it all…

* New Abode: Did I forget to mention that the “girl” of previous posts, the girl who was overseas, actually came back to Australia? Well she did and I am now a happy co-habitor with her.
I found out back in December ’09 and I must admit I was as ecstatic as I was surprised. There was some house (and state) shuffling going on for at least 5 months before we found a place together. And I am happy.
Which, reading those flashback finding posts and some others, some would never have guessed.
Anyway, so I moved out and since then have been living life a little quieter. As in my introduction, I only got internet connected 3 months after moving in. A laziness on my own part mind you. Teamed with the new job means I can’t stay up as late as I used to.
The Casa does live on though, and I visit every week (more if  can) – we still do filming (search Behind The Red Couch on YouTube) – but the podcasts are well done. I may give them a crack in the future but it’s a hard medium to keep it fresh and funny. Especially solo.
—–
I guess the big 3 might be the best ease-into post at the moment. It’s hard to keep the same pace as before, though I did try give it a shot. I guess all said a lot has changed since I last posted in March. And plenty more is to come; both in life and back on this blog.

Just keep your eyes out…

– AJ

Enjoy it however. As with the last post (or part 2, below this on the website page), I won’t bother actually foot-noting the piece, just putting it up here cold-turkey edit.

—

21 Feb 2007
Pseudo-Re-Edited Girlfriend Application/Resume
Current mood: Hopeful

Okay, given that my blog counter is all of about 25-30 reads away from topping my profile views counter – and even though there’s only all of 3-5 comments on the blogs (and NO ONE had a go at my lyrics one, dammit!) – I’m going to gravitate to assuming that some people that are reading these are skimming but not doing much else. Which is fine, but some things evolve and are more fun with some participation. I don’t expect you all to get any of the lyrics, but even a comment on one of the many blog posts would be nice. Sorry about my snooty mood, the alarm system at work was annoying me and I almost punched it through the imitation wall separating the porn section from the newsagent section. Still, I digress. It’s not what I’m here for now. I’m 3 beers in and it’s hot, so I’m posting once again. And I don’t know what yet so I’m gonna make something up. Uh, yeah, ok…

Alright, so I’m gonna go with a kind of, sort of, pseudo-like, pretty much usual, widely reaching  ‘GIRLFRIEND APPLICATION/RESUME.’ Or at least a loosely bound together series of inane, off-usual-topic questions one wouldn’t assume from a normal questionaire. This is gonna be totally random I do warn. It’s not so much a simple form as me telling you what I like and what’s hot – to me. Does that make me shallow? Maybe, but I guess if it were, I’d love me and no one else.

* The general basic type stuff that isn’t very fun and let’s just cut it back some more:

- OL-SKOOL! ASL? Name too (but shorten it because I won’t remember it!) and please be old enough so I don’t fear getting nearly arrested. Again! Hahaha! I guess I’d prefer if you were a female for the ‘S’ part of ASL, mainly because I’m not into dudes. Except for me. Sorry.

- B’day? Because it’s the only thing I’ll recall – so expect gifts on it.

- Hair? Redhead, redhead or redhead? Seriously, my Krypotonite is red hair. Brunette or black is also good. But I love all hair. Or no hair! But not the sick, “I have no hair because it fell out,” sort. I like being the sick one. Seriously though, I couldn’t care less.

- Eyes? Preferably so you can see and I’m not leading you around everywhere. One of the first things that gets me is a girl’s eyes. And smile. And personality. Full stop, big f-ing exclamation points – PERSONALITY! I guess this question should be “Are you un-funny and stupid?” I don’t care about eyes and hair, seriously.

- Piercings/tattoos? Hot! Depending of course. Within reason of not being so far out that even I’m weirded out. I work with porn. If you can make me uneasy, that’s not really a good springboard.

- In one stereotypical word, place yourself in a ‘hemoginized world’ pocket of society (eg: punk/rocker/emo/goth/champagne floozy/Billboard club STD infector/bogan etc).

* Usually titled ‘OTHER’ everywhere else, but again, I’m going to ask more than the question wants to help define it better:

1. Do you drink and/or smoke? I’d prefer a non-smoker because I don’t enjoy the smell of cigarette smoke on my clothes and bedsheets, let alone in my mouth. A better statement and question would be (outside of the smoking issue): I continue to consume alcohol until I can possibly drink no more or someone begs me to stop (usually I won’t). So the question becomes, can you drink copious amounts of alcohol and party predominantly/or would you prefer a few quiet ones over a longer night and have physical relations with a half sober person? Again, this isn’t so much a question. I love to be a party person (mainly the holder-togetherer nexus one), and therefore most often choose to forgo performance of later night bedroom activities because it greatly bores me (except for the giving part). So I guess 2 questions here. Do you drink like a fish? Do we REALLY have to have sex all the time?

2. Do you value cuddling? I have said previously that I can’t sleep properly with someone lying next to me. And have been challenged. So let’s clarify. I can’t have someone sleep next to me on top of my arm all night. I can’t lie cuddling ALL night. Back to back after some time is ok. Or if I’m drunk. I prefer feeling in my extremities, thanks.

3. Do you end up in relationships with guys who treat you badly often? Okay, the late Bill Hicks once sang: “Hitler had Eva Braun, Manson had Squeaky Fromme, Ted Bundy got lots of dates, I wonder what I’m doing wrong? Chicks Dig Jerks.” I’ve noticed some tendancy for nice girls to gravitate toward ‘meat-heads’ and that’s okay. I just don’t need to hear about your regrets later on. You wanted it before. You got it and maybe you didn’t like it. I’m not perfect either but at least I can sometimes treat someone better than I can myself.

4. What would you say is the best thing about yourself? If you say, “I once shot 3 Cowboys then danced on a table at Seven nightclub, I was SOOO wasted,” I will personally remind you that you are dragging down the level of intelligence that I’m convinced the world is capable of. If you can say, “I drank 15 Jack & Cokes and pashed Har Mar Superstar at the Price of Wales,” or “I love St Jeromes, Pony, Charltons and Rue Babylon all in the same night, and still wanted to keep going,” then PLEASE say so!! Arghhh, there’s too many try-hard Chapel st type Hilton poster children scuttling about to be a progressive step in evolution! Ahem, so what’s the best thing about yourself?

5. I once took LSD at a party; drew and wrote on a double door fridge, danced, drank, partied and slept for an hour with a pencil in my hand against said fridge near sun-up. Now I occasionally see dots in my peripheral vision at obscure and totally infrequently random times. Would that annoy you much?

OKAY THESE BELOW ARE STUPID AND I DON’T NEED ANSWERS BECAUSE THESE ARE NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT/FUNNY QUESTIONS TO BE REQUESTED:

- Do you think school is a good thing? How often do you take books out of the library? Are you bisexual? Do you ever say stuff like, “that’s so retarded” or “that’s so gay”?

* Oooh, the ‘What Would You Do If’ questions:

- I tried to grab you, throw you against the wall, and kiss you passionately:
- I said I liked you:
- I bit your shoulder or neck:
- I came to your house during a rainstorm, soaking wet:
- We got in a fight:
- I mocked you for a second or two:
- You had a boyfriend who treated you badly and I confronted him:
- I said I worked in a porn shop:
- I asked you to partake in downing Bacardi 151 shots:
- I said I’d only prefer a physical friendship arrangement (unless you smitten me):
- I said I only prefer giving rather than receiving:
- Does my bum look big in this:

* The ‘Would You’ list:

- Tell me the truth no matter what:
- Buy me a birthday gift that I could never afford (or vice-versa):
- Lie to make me feel better:
- Put up with a lot of crap from me and not complain:
- Let me call your cellphone in the middle of the night:
- Dance with me in public when nobody else is dancing:

* Oh shit, it’s the ‘What Do You Think Of My’ list (hahha, here we go):

Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Sense of humor:
Choice of music:
Manners:
Friends:
Decisions:
Taste in girls:

* Tail-enders:

- Are you serious about being my girlfriend:
- Is there anything you didn’t tell the truth on:
- Is there anything else I should know:

Well, seriously, that’s not really what I can call the best of questionaires. But it’s okay. I don’t expect any actual replies. The next one I post will be a ‘I Like/Am/Did/Done/Prefer/Think questionaire,’ which hopefully will be better to not so much fill in, but get a better idea of what I’m after/what I’m like.

—

So that was me in 2007 then. A lot seems to have changed. Some hasn’t. That’s the point of finding these things and whacking them up. When I finally start adding fresh, new content, I think all these will show how I came from there to where I am now. Or not.

I decided this post I would NOT bother foot-noting. It is better that way, and I think I’ve said enough that you will be able to see that not everything is the same as it used to be. Tough if you do.

Enjoy

—

21 Feb 2007
I am: Not An Application, But A Statement
Current mood: Indifferent

Alright, so here’s what I said I would post all of 5 minutes ago (enough time to get beer #6) – and that’s a list that extends from the ‘Girlfriend Application/Resume’ blog; which is a list of my revelations and questions/comments that will somewhat scare (and by that I mean embellish) on previous queries…

Now, since so many drinks are involved, this is once again, a dot point and stream of conscious brain squirt onto the MySpace blogs. For which I may later regret or curse, but not pull down. Remember, my out-performing blogwise of myself in ratings? [Okay, footnote. I had more blog views than personal page views. Lame] Okay so here goes…

* Redheads are my Kryptonite. My eyes will wander immediately if one enters a room. And if she is both awesome, cute/hot, funny and smart then I will be a puddle of drool on the floor at her feet. This doesn’t mean I discriminate at all – but be warned, if you are another hair coloured beauty talking to me – I will leave you for a ‘perfect’ (see above) redhead as soon as I can liquify myself…

* I prefer fiery girls. That is, I have a short attention span. I’m an Aries, in case no one looked at my profile. I also have a Godzilla tattoo that is somewhat a partial to the fact that said monster was both a ally/menace, un-predictable and that he liked to cause havoc to stir a reaction before wading off into the ocean again until next time. I WILL stir up trouble with whomever I’m with, so that things don’t get too stale. I do NOT enjoy repetition and routine. This extends to friends with benefits, as the typical word of now says. Last girl I knew bored me 4 weeks into it. Casual and 4 weeks?! Ultimately, I guess I’m looking for a nymhomaniac; liquor store owning, red-headed; fiery, always changing/spontaneous, unpredictable, intelligent, hot and funny girl. Easy.

* I am a giver. As much as I like to love myself, I always try to go out of my way to somehow enjoy others special days. Even if I’m chosing to call an old high-school friend on their birthday despite not having seen them in years. Closer friends get presents. Always. And more than needed. It used to be before moving out of folks place, that I would outdo even friends girlfriends/boyfriends in terms of costly and thought out gifts. Birthdays. Christmas. Whatever. I once spent heaps on flowers for a cute girl at Starbucks on Valentine’s. I had no hope. Then. I digress. I spent hundreds on a friend – who totally stopped talking to me for the most part – because it was Christmas. I just felt compelled. And I had money to burn. But not so much now. Although I will still put both major effort and as much money as I can into great gifts. But I’m implying ‘giving’ here in another way. Mind you, I can’t take a free gift myself. Hell, I can’t take a compliment even. I love to give, not receive. A gift to ME will usually happen to coincide with me just dropping off something to the giver of my gift. Never will I take a free gift. Yes, I am also implying the behind doors, bedroom ‘giving’ stuff too. Again, not a receiver, but a giver. That’s it.

* I do find tattoos sexy, so long as they’re thought out and have some meaning to them. Or thought (forget the meaning). I have six now. I love them all. I have sat with them for times on each. None are spur of the moment, and all have some purpose. I’m planning on more. I have many in the brain. I have 3 on my right arm. I have a left shoulder piece. I have a left sleeve idea, scattered and not yet compiled fully, but getting there. Piercings I find sexy too in some places. Or if I find a girl with enough atmosphere to outweigh initial off-putting. Like, example, this girl at Off Your Tree has a bull ring through the nose, which on most people will put me off. Needless, she has the cutest brown eyes, daggy hot tatts (Pac Man on inner right wrist) and the nicest personality that I’d love to actually spend more than friends time with her.

* I wear anything I want, and anything depending on specifically where I’m going. It’s why I always check dress codes with people. I choose not to be stuck in one dress type. Example; I have blacks jeans, dress pants, suits, singlets, button downs, etc. You name it I can get into it via my dressings. It’s easy to blend in, but hard to love every scene. I do try.

* I spend lots of time scanning rooms for interested people, but not always/never getting the signs that are sent out. Usually I don’t care. There are enough people interested that I can choose to ignore all of them. And usually I’m trying to support a group of people who are all too happy/or too sad to keep going. Mr Mediator of the party. Sorry girls. I do see you looking but I can’t justify abandoning friends to say even hi. Here’s an idea – COME OVER TO ME! I WILL STILL GET YOU A DRINK EVEN THOUGH YOU STARTED THE CONVERSATION BECAUSE I AM HAPPY TO! Don’t think that I am picky – I AM pretty picky – but if I’m next to someone who looks like a friend(s), I won’t move because I am trying to keep them going.

* I drive a nanna car because I like cars with a soul. No new cars feel individual and happy. Give me rust and poor sealant on windows. No air con, no power steering and no safety features. I drive a Datsun that I got off a fat old lady because it was cheap and roadworthy to start (at deposit), and finally paid for it when I was on LSD and it was gorgeous. I spent half an hour filling out forms on their kitchen table (1 inch from the form because I was so high) – and rubbed the car roof the entire way home like a genie’s lamp because it was just magical and so sunny outside. And I got a free crocheted rug with the car.

* Basically, I would prefer someone (if I were going for a special person) who can be both funny, intelligent and look hot – to me. Again, I have a weird taste in girls. If I found my one perfect person, I’d love her. I don’t predict that too much though. I’d prefer lots of female friends who I can go out and drink with – flirt and chat. Maybe other stuff, but again, not so much an issue as I said – sex is optional – and I do prefer making sure that she’s the one with the fulfillment. Whatever the case, I don’t mind. I just want people to read my blogs, and occasionally post comments so I can feel a little pang of being more creative than personable. Course, the smarties of you have figured out how much of this profile is piss-take and how much of blogs are real, to get where I’m going.

Gee, I don’t really know how this is gonna come out. I’ve gone from starting on 2-3 brews on application, to 7 after this. Seriously, if a girl wanted to know me; read the blogs. There’s more there than I’m going blurt out to you in person the first time I meet you anyways. I’m certainly not advertising anything here. I’d just prefer casual relationships because work hours are going to strain anything more, and I will always seem to place work and work ethics over girlfriends/sanity/health/living because I can’t seem to push it away. Don’t ask.

Kisses and wishes for today, tomorrow, and the bit after that.

–AJ

As usual, I will add any new footnotes in square brackets. Much has changed since all of these. Heck, even the ones posted prior may have changed slightly with the girlfriend now being back. Or maybe not, as I can’t recall what I said before haha.

Okay so back into it, here goes…

—

14 Dec 2006
Randomness Musings
Current mood: Bored

So anyway, it’s been a tad while since I’ve posted some more gibberish and I know I love reading this as much as you guys do. I have no clue what tonight’s blog is about… so let’s call it a pile of random thoughts about myself and whatever stuff pops in there…

* Ok so I don’t like organised religion. I will give people being ‘spiritual,’ but don’t talk religion to me. I don’t care if you have a “point.” [Still the same - though I am happy for anyone to follow what they want, I will support them fully, just don't expect me to jump on board]

* I like everything on my Love Blog earlier, but adding: Bill Hicks and bleak humour; not getting enough sleep so I can play possum, ‘Oh, I’m sooo tired,’ to get sympathy; being the most picky person when I get looks (yes, I know I’m getting looks but I don’t have to do anything about Little Miss Slight Fault – I can do better!) [Yes, a lot of this is still the same. Except the picking up looks. I can still get them but I don't get out much any more]

* Chicks farting is hot (also belching) [Hahaha, yes still]

* I’ve got one of those friends with benefits things going on but I’m thinking she’s talking it up more. Not obviously, but just her actions and messages are a tad more than needed. [Wow, this was a long time ago. She's got a serious partner now and I've got my own too. I still know exactly what I meant with all this though]

* I like buying clothes I will never wear; let alone try on after I’ve bought them [Not so much now, what with the lack of funds to blow and having a very succint wardrobe now]

* Spending money on myself and others because it’s only money and who cares if it goes up and down [I still feel the same, but now I really don't have the money to do it. Such a shame ultimately]

* As much as I like having a job, I hate that I have to go most of the time. And I have no hobbies or reasons to cut down [I would kill for this job now, despite all the boredom and little quirks the boss had]

* I will work until I burn out again. No one can tell me to slow down because I won’t listen to them seriously. I will probably die eventualy from overworking, nothing else [I won't push myself quite as hard any more, but I will still give the company I work for 100% of myself all the time. I'm not likely to burn out/let alone die from it any more]

* I want a sleeve tatt so I can be noticed. But I don’t want to look dodgy, I just want one so I’m not invisible any more [Got one now, but it was self-confidence I lacked at the time. Which I ended up with thnakfully. I certainly don;t think about my tattoos in this context any more]

* I want to know how to drive a manual gearbox right now. I don’t want to have to learn [Tried, failed, gave up. May never be bothered learning. Take it as it goes in the end]

* I wish I could die; see my funeral; but not be dead so I can hassle those who didn’t turn up or those who gave a shit eulogy [Haha still makes me laugh. I'm not as depressed as I used to be. Sometimes I get slight twangs, nowhere near the same. I cetainly don't wish to die]

* If people stopped taking me so damn seriously, they’d see that I’m nice. Read the blogs dipshit not just the facing profile [This was based on my MySpace face-page About Me bit, where I acted the fool but wrote what I really felt like in the blogs. I once got an email from some guy telling me my blogs were depressing. Thanks]

* I’d like more money to make people happier [Happier no, more comfortable yes]

* I’m trying to find a good line to ask the EB store girl out [Haha no idea what she even looked like]

* I’m trying to find a good way to ask lots of cool girls out [There were many nice girls I fancied]

* I’m trying to figure out how to manage them all [Gold! I'm not a person to see more than one person at a time/cheat. I guess at the time I probably was back then]

* I don’t like people telling me what ‘sort’ of music I am listening to. I like music. If you have a problem with me playing a combo of: Def Leppard, Prince, Ashlee Simpson, 36 Crazyfists, Cansei De Ser Sexy, My Chemical Romance and Karnivool (and all over the pace so on) fuck you. I hate people putting music in boxes of what’s cool and what’s not. If I like it, I like it. Period [Still the same. I am ecclectic and like it]

* I wish I wasn’t on P’s so I could drink some then drive [Off them now, still barely have any drinks then drive]

* I hoard too much crap: cds, guitars, sex toys [The latter two have been culled. So has a lot of everything I own]

* I’m not bi. I appreciate a good looking guy, but I’m not so much as kissing him [Ditto]

* I’ve rubbed a guy pals inner thigh trying to turn on his girlfriend at the same time (P.S. he was half passed out) [This was a dumb idea. Like that was going to make HER happy]

* I’ve spent a night scrawling on a double door fridge with a pencil [On acid. You've heard this story ages ago. Dull]

* I’ve had alcohol poisoning at least 5 times [At least double now]

* If I have no reason to stop drinking I won’t. Actually if I have no anchor in some way, I will not stop anything (overdrinking, overworking, everything) [I still enjoy the drinks. Not is the same tailspin as this. I am stubborn about things but most likely not to the extent I've talked about here]

* I’d just as much get married and have a kid if I found anyone good enough/needed to leave some legacy because I will die [Emo]

* Have had crushes on most female friends

* Have discovered none were what I actually thought they were

* Love giving people pleasure not reciveing it [Mostly yes, but I can see how it's unfair to stop them feeling this same way towards me]

* I regret nothing I say barring a few random times [True]

* I have a violent streak hidden very very deep [I'm unsure if it's there anymore]

* I can’t drive 55 [Idiot]

* I cannot get sleep properly when lying next to a girl (unless maggoted something badly) [Not true at all any more. I love this feeling now]

* I’m tired and will/might add to this crap some other time – but don’t count on anything. I like being random. Um, this was prob a load of bollocks. Good [Even today, ditto]